New York Shitty

No Thanks

In 4 days I will be leaving New York City – where I was born and raised – and moving to Philadelphia.  This is a good thing, because I absolutely hate NY.

Lots of people give me shit when I talk about hating New York, so I’m going to defend myself right now.

There are many reasons why people say they love NYC but the most common reason why you don’t find everyone walking around bashing it as much as I do is because they are so used to all the shitiness. They don’t realize how horrible New York is because they don’t know any better.

For instance – your destination and where you park your car are actually supposed to be the same place.  Yup.  A statement like “The restaurant is on 9th Avenue and 17th Street and we parked on Broadway between 28th and 29th” should never be said.  The entire 2nd half of that sentence should not exist. Cars were invented so that you can take them from your house to where you want to go.  Not so that you can take them from your house to a third area and then get out in the cold and walk to where you want to go.  Karl Benz rolls over in his grave each time this happens.

But people seem to be ok with this.  And since everyone’s probably thinking “Well of course you’re going to have problems taking a car because you’re supposed to take public transportation,” I’ll touch on that subject too, because its another horror that you New York lovers seem to be totally blind to.

Ok.  Lets say you commute to and from work by subway.  You get on the train after work, and you’re going all the way up to the Bronx so you’re going to want to find a seat.  A couple of things come into play here.  If its summer, you’re going to want your train car to be airconditioned.  If its very late at night you might not want to isolate yourself with a shady looking individual. If its super crowded and you have stuff you’re carrying, you probably want to sit near a door so that you can make sure you’ll have time to get through the crowd and get off at your station before the doors close.  These are all things that I have no problem with.  But there are some things that should never, ever be a deciding factor when it comes to finding a seat on the subway.  Things like… oh, I don’t know… URINE.  URINE should never enter the fucking equation.  Whether its urine on the seat, a clean seat in an area that smells of urine, a person nearby who looks like they’ll probably produce urine in the next 40 minutes or however long your ride is- – doesn’t matter.  Its not ok.  Peepee should not be involved.  You should never have to sit down in a suitable seat and see a puddle of piss on the floor and then have to think to yourself “Ok… well the train is going this way, so when they put on the brakes that means the puddle’s going to trickle that way… so I’m good.” NO! How is this acceptable??

You’re all out of your fucking minds.  But, I’ll be back to visit.  I’ll bundle up since I’ll be driving in. (Sorry, Karl)